Friday, June 30, 2017

Douche Bags of the Day Commit a Social Media FAIL! by Posting Pics to Snapchat of them Strangling a Baby Alligator as they Force Fed it Beer ~ Call Michael A. Haber, Esq. @ 1-888-SHARK-8-1




Anyone who knows me knows that there is no love lost between me and any reptile.  In fact, I have been known to only half-jokingly say that "the only good reptile is one that is made into an accessory". 



But, and not withstanding my ofttimes politically incorrect sense of sarcasm, er humor, I have a zero tolerance policy for animal cruelty.



And I have even less tolerance for bullies, and that is exactly what 20 y/o Joseph Andrew Floyd and 21 y/o Zachary Lloyd Brown of Ridgeland, SC are... bullies.  And a**holes.  They are a**holes too...



And douche bags... Joseph Andrew Floyd and Zachary Lloyd Brown are douche bags....



These two useless water-bags not only thought that it'd be fun to torture a baby alligator but they were also apparently stupid enough to think that the rest of the world would be as warped as them, so these Genii posted about a half a dozen pics of their despicable acts on Snapchat...




The pictures show the two f*cktards seriously squeezing the baby gator's throat and prying the baby gator's jaws open as they poured beer down its throat.  Other image showed someone blowing smoke into the alligator's mouth.  



I am not going to republish any more of this douche baggery as I'm quite sure that you get the idea.  Fortunately some of the people who saw the Snapchat shots screenshot the images and forwarded them to officials at the South Carolina Department of Natural Resources, which took quick action.


Once SC-DNR Officers confronted Joseph Andrew Floyd and Zachary Lloyd Brown (yes, I am intentionally retyping their names because I want people to know who they are...) they reportedly sang like trapped canaries... admitting to officers that they picked up the alligator after they saw it crossing the a public dirt road between Hardeeville and Tillman in Jasper County, that they poured beer into the animal’s mouth and took photos to post on social media and that they then released the gator and watched it swim away into a nearby pond. 



Joseph Andrew Floyd and Zachary Lloyd Brown were each charged with one count of "Harassment of an Alligator" and under SC State Law they reportedly face a $300.00 civil fine (which, sadly, is in line with the way that FL would treat this offense... See:  F.S. 379.412 - Penalties for feeding wildlife and freshwater fish - (1)(a) The penalties in this section apply to a violation of any rule or order of the commission that prohibits or restricts: 1. Feeding wildlife or freshwater fish with food or garbage; is a civil infraction, unless you fail to pay it in which case it becomes a 2nd degree misdemeanor.) 

    
BUT, in this instance, given the willful and wanton disregard for life I think that there is an excellent case to be made for animal cruelty - felony animal cruelty at that...




And were I law enforcement in this case then that is how I would have charged these two pieces of alleged human...



Memo to Joseph Andrew Floyd and Zachary Lloyd Brown: Personally I think that you are getting off way too easy.  My Hammurabi-styled penalty for you would be more akin to....



Memo to the Folks:  Apart from the obvious (don't screw with nature) there is another lesson to be learned here, namely...



Memo to the Folks continued:  Social Media: It's all fun and nice until it's introduced into evidence against you in Court. Read "Haber's Rules of Social Media # 1 - 5" by clicking here and watch HaberPA's VideoFAQ / YouTube Webisode on "Social Media and the Law" @ https://youtu.be/9yGL7MOQyTA or by clicking on the video link below...



Memo to the Folks continued:  And please consider subscribing to HaberPA's VideoFAQ / YouTube Channel by clicking here (or you can go to www.youtube.com/c/michaelhaberlaw).  At present we have 184 creative, entertaining and informative Criminal Defense, DUI and BUI VideoFAQ / Webisodes (that I try to keep under 2 minutes), another 37 are presently being edited for publication and we are constantly scripting more.




When it comes to the subject of "Cops, Courts and Constitutions" you should always have a skilled and experienced criminal defense attorney who is focused on serving your interests.  While we can't stop the cops from arresting you, as your legal counsel Michael A. Haber, PA will ensure that your rights are respected from the moment that representation begins and that any abuses which may have occurred beforehand are remedied.


At Michael A. Haber, P.A. "Its all about reasonable doubt"!


Michael A. Haber, Esq. is prepared to speak with you about your case!


Cell: 305-798-2220; Office: 305-381-8686; Toll Free: 1-888-SHARK-8-1


THIS BLOG POST (AS ARE ALL OF HABERPA BLOG POSTS) IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WHICH IS PRIMARILY DESIGNED, BY WAY OF REAL WORLD EXAMPLE, TO ASSIST THE GENERAL PUBLIC IN AVOIDING CONDUCT WHICH COULD FORESEEABLY RESULT IN ARREST AND PROSECUTION!  


#Webisode #YouTube #VideoFAQ #AVVO #HaberPA #Arrest #Arrested #CriminalLawyer #CriminalLaw #CriminalDefense #CriminalDefenseLawyer #MiamiCriminalDefenseLawyer #CriminalDefenseAttorney #MiamiCriminalDefenseAttorney #CriminalAttorney #DUI #DWI #DrivingUnderTheInfluence #BUI #BoatingUnderTheInfluence #DomesticViolence #DV #DVRO #DomesticViolenceRestrainingOrder #Seal #Expunge #Sealing #Expungement #CriminalRecord #CriminalHistory #PSA #PublicServiceAnnouncement #Harassment #HarassmentOfWildlife #HarassmentOfAnAlligator #Alligator #Gator #EndangeredSpecies #AnimalAbuse #AnimalCruelty #Hammurabi #CodeOfHammurabi #DoucheBag #DoucheOfTheDay #Beer #Bully #SocialMedia #SnapChat #SnapchatFAIL! #SocialMediaFAIL! #SeeSomethingSaySomething

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Thursday, June 29, 2017

Frivolous Lawsuit: CA Woman Sues Jelly Bean Company for False Advertising claiming "Extreme Sports Beans" are full of Sugar, not "Evaporated Cane Juice" ~ Call Michael A. Haber, Esq. @ 1-888-SHARK-8-1



I wish that I could show you a picture of Jessica Gomez of San Bernadino, California (I'd like to see her for myself and put a face to her name) but alas, nary one of the news stories that I read have a picture of her, there are simply too many people named "Jessica Gomez" in California to be certain and I don't want to risk defaming someone for someone else's incredible douche baggery...  so let's just use the image below instead, as it effectively captures Jessica Gomez's essence - and / or that of her lawyers, who may well be responsible in this instance, in fact that's entirely possible.



So what is Jessica's incredible act of ultimate douche baggery?  I'm glad that you asked.  Jessica initiated a class action lawsuit (please see:  U.S. District Court for the Central District of CA case number 5:17-cv-00575-CAS-FFM) against the Jelly Bean Candy Company for, hang on, wait for it, here it comes...



Jessica's lawsuit claims that the Jelly Bean Candy Company (read those words again.... "Jelly - Bean - Candy - Company") used false and deceptive advertising in regard to it's "Jelly Belly Sport's Beans" when it advertised the product toward athletes, stating that they are "an exercise supplement containing carbohydrates, electrolytes and vitamins".
Jessica claims that she (and others) was (were) misled into buying Jelly Belly's "exercise beans" - which are alleged to be an energy product for athletes - because the ingredients list uses the words "evaporated cane juice" instead of "sugar", and thus Jessica did not realize that the jelly beans were packed with sugar.  



While she was busy nit-picking the list of ingredients apparently Jessica missed the clearly marked nutrition facts statement on the back of the package that discloses 17 grams of "Sugars"...



I wholeheartedly agree with the Jelly Bean Candy Company's retort denouncing the entire suit as being "nonsense" (in it's Motion to Dismiss the Company reportedly stated that "This is nonsense", because it is nonsense.  Jessica's claim that the Jelly Bean Candy Company had strategically used the words "evaporated cane juice" instead of the "sugar" in the ingredients list to make their "Sport Beans" more attractive to athletes is probably accurate, but it fails to acknowledge either A) that the "Sugars" content is very clearly identified on the rear label - directly next to the ingredients, B) that "evaporated cane juice" is (and is a synonym for) sugar, C) that the front of the package says that they are "Energizing Jelly Beans" (as are all jelly beans, which any parent will tell you they won't let their children eat before bed because of the SUGAR RUSH) and D) that no matter how you look at them, not matter what anyone says or prints or wishes for, they are and they always will be freaking JELLY BEANS... and jelly beans are made of pure freaking sugar.  There is no such thing as a "healthy jelly bean".  


If you want a healthy bean then go Pinto, Navy, Black, Great Northern, Kidney, Lima, Garbanzo... anything but jelly.





Per the Jelly Bean Candy Company:  "No reasonable consumer could have been deceived by Sport Beans' labeling – Gomez could not have seen "evaporated cane juice" without also seeing the product's sugar content on its Nutrition Facts panel.  And she has plead no facts to suggest that athletes, who consume this product to sustain intense exercise, would want to avoid sugar rather than affirmatively seek it."... 



This is as frivolous a lawsuit as I can imagine and, like I said right up front, it may well be the fruit of some assclown Plaintiff's lawyer and not Jessica, but she signed her name to it and so she's getting the heat from me (and from Gunny Sergeant Hartman).



Memo to Jessica Gomez:  Your lawsuit is BS, you are a moron and I hope that the Jelly Bean Candy Company counter-sues your ass. Now take your frivolous lawsuit, hit the treadmill and stop eating jelly beans as a health supplement.  



When it comes to the subject of "Cops, Courts and Constitutions" you should always have a skilled and experienced criminal defense attorney who is focused on serving your interests.  While we can't stop the cops from arresting you, as your legal counsel Michael A. Haber, PA will ensure that your rights are respected from the moment that representation begins and that any abuses which may have occurred beforehand are remedied.


At Michael A. Haber, P.A. "Its all about reasonable doubt"!


Michael A. Haber, Esq. is prepared to speak with you about your case!


Cell: 305-798-2220; Office: 305-381-8686; Toll Free: 1-888-SHARK-8-1


THIS BLOG POST (AS ARE ALL OF HABERPA BLOG POSTS) IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WHICH IS PRIMARILY DESIGNED, BY WAY OF REAL WORLD EXAMPLE, TO ASSIST THE GENERAL PUBLIC IN AVOIDING CONDUCT WHICH COULD FORESEEABLY RESULT IN ARREST AND PROSECUTION!  


#Webisode #YouTube #VideoFAQ #AVVO #HaberPA #Arrest #Arrested #CriminalLawyer #CriminalLaw #CriminalDefense #CriminalDefenseLawyer #MiamiCriminalDefenseLawyer #CriminalDefenseAttorney #MiamiCriminalDefenseAttorney #CriminalAttorney #DUI #DWI #DrivingUnderTheInfluence #BUI #BoatingUnderTheInfluence #DomesticViolence #DV #DVRO #DomesticViolenceRestrainingOrder #Seal #Expunge #Sealing #Expungement #CriminalRecord #CriminalHistory #PSA #PublicServiceAnnouncement #Lawsuit #FrivolousLawsuit #JellyBeans #Sugar #EvaporatedCanJuice #SportBeans #ExtremeSportBeans #FalseAdvertising #DeceptiveLabeling #FDA #FederalLawsuit
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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Holy Goldmenber Mr. Goldfinger! 51 South Koreans are Arrested for Smuggling $77Mil worth of Gold into the Country inside of their Private Body Areas ~ Call Michael A. Haber, Esq. @ 1-888-SHARK-8-1



For the love of gold....



People love gold.  Some will even kill for (or with) it...



But in the real world 51 South Koreans have been arrested for smuggling more than two tons of gold (valued at about $77,000,000.00) between March, 2015 and May, 2017 into the country.



Male smugglers concealed the precious metal in their asses (at least one man was caught with 200 grams - which is nearly 1/2 a pound of gold - hidden inside of his ass)...



While the female's went for a more forward approach...



All of the smugglers were arrested at Incheon International Airport and the gold reportedly came from Tokyo and Yantai, in China's Shandong Province.



The reason for this is that Korea's gold price is reported to be higher than other countries due to a 15% tax imposed on the metal.



Per an official at the Korea Customs Service, reportedly:  "Gold smuggling is a business people can make money easily from because of the price gap. As our crackdown gets tougher, smugglers are also getting more sophisticated in hiding gold or other jewelry products they want to bring in."

  



Um, yeah... Do you think so?  (Here's my personal fav... because apparently I have no self-control...)




When it comes to the subject of "Cops, Courts and Constitutions" you should always have a skilled and experienced criminal defense attorney who is focused on serving your interests.  While we can't stop the cops from arresting you, as your legal counsel Michael A. Haber, PA will ensure that your rights are respected from the moment that representation begins and that any abuses which may have occurred beforehand are remedied.


At Michael A. Haber, P.A. "Its all about reasonable doubt"!


Michael A. Haber, Esq. is prepared to speak with you about your case!


Cell: 305-798-2220; Office: 305-381-8686; Toll Free: 1-888-SHARK-8-1


THIS BLOG POST (AS ARE ALL OF HABERPA BLOG POSTS) IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WHICH IS PRIMARILY DESIGNED, BY WAY OF REAL WORLD EXAMPLE, TO ASSIST THE GENERAL PUBLIC IN AVOIDING CONDUCT WHICH COULD FORESEEABLY RESULT IN ARREST AND PROSECUTION!  


#Webisode #YouTube #VideoFAQ #AVVO #HaberPA #Arrest #Arrested #CriminalLawyer #CriminalLaw #CriminalDefense #CriminalDefenseLawyer #MiamiCriminalDefenseLawyer #CriminalDefenseAttorney #MiamiCriminalDefenseAttorney #CriminalAttorney #DUI #DWI #DrivingUnderTheInfluence #BUI #BoatingUnderTheInfluence #DomesticViolence #DV #DVRO #DomesticViolenceRestrainingOrder #Seal #Expunge #Sealing #Expungement #CriminalRecord #CriminalHistory #PSA #PublicServiceAnnouncement #Smuggle #Smuggling #SmugglingFAIL! #FAIL! #Rectum #RectumDamnNearKilledHim #ForTheLoveOfGold #Gold #Tax #Tariff #GoldTax #PreciousMetal #PreciousMetalTax 
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